Well to start out I'm going to just preface myself with the thought that I really love to journal and get my thoughts out by just writing them down. I do get nervous about blogging however because this isn't a journal... it's online. Yikes! I don't know if this is available to people to look at or how good a job I will do at keeping this hidden but for now I would like to write and I would like to have my thoughts out and if this helps people along a similar path with similar thoughts maybe it will be beneficial for this to be online.
As a young Christian woman I am trying to follow the Bible and continue to listen to God's words as I go about a new dating relationship that is happening. When I was in 8th grade I decided to take Joshua Harris' advice and "Kiss Dating Goodbye" but now that I am in college I've decided to try the new (and scary) path of giving my heart away slowly and cautiously as I continue to seek out if God is directing me down this path, which He has blessed so far. With dating and being a Christian there is obviously a lot that goes into what is appropriate to talk about to keep boundaries and what not so I don't get the opportunity to tell my boyfriend what is actually going on in my head. So tonight (at a ridiculous time of night) I've decided to write a blog about my thoughts and maybe someday he'll get to read them.
So, if you are reading this and you are not Andy... have fun. This is going to be as true as I can make it and it may get weird. That's what girls are good at.
Andy-
So, as you may know we are both on Thanksgiving break right now. You are visiting your family up North and I'm here in South Wayne. This is the longest we've been apart since our relationship started a month and a half ago so I knew it would be a challenge to not see you everyday but this is really hard. We've even been talking on the phone the past couple days! It's not like we are completely disconnected so one would think this would be easy.
The things that I want to tell you but am refusing to tell you are probably quite honestly easy to pick out. Girls jump into things so unbelievably fast with planning their whole future so I'm trying to be as cautious as I can with keeping my emotions in check. You make it terribly hard though! It's not even during the times that you are speaking to me with your kind words that get me; it's when you are around other people and they strive to get your attention because they value your friendship and wisdom in the Lord. The men of your Bible study can't spend enough time with you and respect you so much! You are a great leader and when you talk about Jesus you speak with authority and have opinions that are backed up with facts and you don't speak passionately about what you don't know. It's something truly remarkable. I am in awe of it and I look forward to the time that you choose to spend with me because I feel very special that you have chosen me out of a crowd of people calling your name to spend time with.
I was reading a Don Miller article the other day in the library and something that stuck out to me was women needing to be pure and put up with the hard times and lonely nights that come. He also talked about women going through those times and then finding someone worth their time how they should let the person they are with know about those nights... so Andy, let me tell you about those nights.
When I started college and moved in with Ryan and Christine I was pretty apprehensive to even talk to a boy let alone date a boy. Ryan affirmed me and told me that he encouraged me, since I was now out of high school, to date if I felt led to date. I have told you some stories about working at the grocery store Sullivans' but there is something much deeper too. At the time I felt extremely weak because while all of these guys were paying attention to me I would go home and cry at night because of how lonely I was and crying out to God because these boys at the store weren't part of his plan. I was frustrated because why could there be five guys who would willingly date me but weren't following Christ yet 0 Christ followers were pursing me. There were a few nights that I almost went out with those guys because I was so tired of being lonely but God put something else in my path, friends inviting me over or homework that needed to be done. I know that his hand was in the process of me growing to rely on him more and persevering through the awful lonely times. I remember feeling incredibly ugly and of course impatient... That may have been partly do with age as well, who knows?!
This might be enough for one night, I'm sure there will be more to come.
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